The Dilettante's Appeal

A reader asks how does one find their "calling"

Designs for Living is an advice column "dispensing sound advice in a noisy world.” Need advice? Write to me here. The previous home of this column was The Baffler.

Hi Marlowe,

I am an actress (a struggling one — working my day job as a server, you know how it is.) I’ve been struggling recently with watching my friends and peers achieve success faster than me. On top of this, I’m filled with regret all the time because I chose acting over other passions, and I feel that I made a mistake. I went to theatre school instead of music school — when I was in high school I was a highly trained vocalist and I’ve won half a dozen awards for my work. I’ve also been a writer since I was younger and people told me I had a knack for it. I look at my life and how I left these obvious career paths behind and I can’t help but feel like I blew it! What is your opinion on having a calling/passion? I would love any wisdom you have to offer re: being a multi-hyphenate.

Thanks Girl!

-Passion Actress

Dear Marlowe,

I just graduated college — how do I figure out what I want to do with my life? My passion?

-College Grad

Dear Passion & College,

Thank you both for writing. Passion is a funny word and I’ve wrestled with what it means. I’ve never been the kind of person who believes that fulfilling work is something everyone needs or should strive for…a fulfilling life on the other hand is a different story. It’s very Western to feel entitled to “loving what you do”, because it’s so disingenuous. It’s a trick to convince us that we must make sacrifices in our lives to afford working in our designated passions, especially if we are in the arts.